Grounded....

     I have been grounded....Only temporarily though, and I'm still allowed on the computer. Just  minutes left. Oh, how it pains me to be cut off from the world! However, I suppose it allows me to really submerge myself in this post. I've been kind of neglecting this blog for the past few months with the world happening all around me.

    This half of the school year has brought new challenges amoungst opportunities. My two end classes of the day are now Classical Mythology with some of my friends and people I know but haven't been aquainted with yet, and I also have Creative Writing with my boyfriend at the end of the day which is a nice freeing class at the end of the day. Hopefully this will lead to me writing posts that aren't so painful to read for you! Unfortunately, it seems I've rediscovered my phobia of public speaking. I can talk really loud and be bold when I'm seated but it seems like whenever I have to stand and people are listening to what I'm saying, I break down. My hands and body begin to shake, my skin goes numb, the color washes from my face or I turn firetruck red, then my heart quivers from my chest into my throat and my voice goes quiet and my eyes start watering and everyone is watching me either pitying me or annoyed I'm wasting their time with my panic attack. It drives me insane! I rationalize it out and tell myself there is no reason to be afraid, they aren't even really listening anyways, but I still break down the moment I stand and all eyes go on me. No need to fear though! I have come up with multiple strategies to perhaps trick myself into not noticing them. One is to take off my glasses since I'm nearly blind then i can just imagine them as giant blobs of putty or jackets. However, the flaw of this plan is I will have to hold the paper directly in front of my face to read it. So, with that idea out the roof, maybe asking to just remain seated or pull up a chair in the middle of the room and sit to cut down on the nerves. They are theories to be tested the next time we have to read to the class. Wish me luck!

Also before I sign off, here is my bad poem about the frustration of getting grounded.

I had to say something.
Her obnoxious voice carried throughout the room,
Smothering all peace and calm.

My eye began twitching,
My teeth started gritting,
My mouth finally snapping at her for her ignorance.

Of course she didn't undestand my reason,
So I am forced to sit here alone...
Without a phone....